Monday, October 15, 2007

I Am Such A Needy Mom!

Mother Bear's Love I

I have to say that I am really tired right now. I have been working steady in the, baking, laundry, etc. I have just now sat down to really enjoy my computer and blogging time. I can hear Caleb in his room making noises and that tells me that he probably won't be taking a very good afternoon nap today.

The past weekend has been something else. Caleb continues to have a very sore bottom even though the diapers are becoming less frequent. Changing his diaper is still quite hard but I think we are making progress. Either Caleb is learning to deal with the pain (seriously doubt it) or he is actually starting to feel better. Trying to take care of him and catch up with my much neglected house from the weekend is proving to be challenging. I am thankful, though, that I have the rest of the week to work on it. I don't have any major obligations this week and that makes me so happy.

In the midst of this chaos I have actually learned quite a lot. I am thankful that I have still been able to sit down each day for a few minutes to pray and ponder. One thing that God has made very clear to me is how needy I really am. I can't do this Mommy gig alone. I need His presence around me and this house each and every day. I need his strength. I need his wisdom.

One struggle I've had this week is actually being angry at Caleb for being sick. Why couldn't he let me change his diaper and give him medicine without a fight and scene? Didn't he know I was only trying to help him? Doesn't he know how much I love him and I would NEVER hurt him on purpose?? On Saturday, I think, I caught myself having these horrible thoughts and I prayed for God's strength and His patience. It was then that I started to see everything from Caleb's point of view. He was in pain and there was nothing he could do about it. He just needed a Mommy to understand and to love him through it. At that point I was ashamed of my previous thoughts and I realized how I am still a mere person who sins every single day....even as a mother. I can't rely on my own strength to get this job done. I need Him.

I think it is amazing how God can teach us things through even the simplest events. I have learned more about my need and dependence on God through my son's diaper rash than I have in so many other, bigger events. God is awesome like that, isn't He?!

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